Always and never . . .

Always and never sound bad. It should be always and forever. It actually can be a very good thing. It depends how you say it. I'll always love you and never will it falter. . . or I'll always remember you and never will i forget. Think before you judge something. I'll always trust you if you never lie to me.... can you do that?

Someday. . .

Someday she will feel the same way I do. Everyday I hope and wish that that "someday" will be today. Someday is a good word because it can mean a lot of things. Someday I will be able to show her the love she needs and deserve. Someday she will have the same need for me like i need her. Someday she will be the one trying for me. Someday she will finally sit there and think to herself that i am the one for her, the right guy for her. That "someday" was not today. Maybe it was yesterday. It will definitely be tomorrow. I'll keep waiting for that tomorrow to be today and hope that yesterday was today.

Too Much....

Things you do for a girl. You wait by the phone for them wondering when they’ll text you. Wondering if today would be the day where she’ll actually make the first move and text you good morning. She seems to always text the good night. I guess that’s the way it is. You being eager to start the day and she being eager to end it. There’s also the thing where you make a plan for a girl and found out that she cant go out that day. Guess that was my fault. Should’ve asked her if she was available that day. Guess there’s not enough of her to go around. I had plan to go catch a movie and then go eat at her favorite restaurant, with her of course. Didn’t quite work out on her part. I just wanted to be a little spontaneous. There’s also the no texting when you’re out with her. I ignored my texts while I was hanging out with her. I thought it would be inappropriate for me to be texting. It’s like a sort of insult saying like you’re boring so I rather text my friend. As we were hanging out, she kept reaching into her bag and getting her phone, texting a friend she met at orientation. Well, I guess, that is more quite interesting than hanging out with me. I guess I can try all I want and still be boring. Cant always be fun. =[ She gives me a bracelet she made for me at orientation proving to me that she thought about me at orientation. YES! Finally I did something that implemented me inside her head a little. I wear the bracelet. I wear it even when I go out. Its pretty with pink blue and green glow in the dark beads. I lend her my watch that’s a bit loose on her. She wears it for five seconds and takes it off. I tell her to bring it home and give it back the next time we hang out. She goes okay but I’m pretty sure that when she got home, she threw it on her table or hid it or something. I just wanted to give her something so that she can remember. Then there’s the waiting for the next time you hang out. Sometimes you can get played and mess up your entire schedule. One time, we were suppose to watch a scary movie. I had a four day weekend till school and she had two weeks or so. I was really eager to spend time with her and decided to leave all my four days open so that whatever day she can make time for me, it would work. That didn’t quite work out. She made plans already. Sigh. She tell me that she fell for me but it doesn’t quite seem like it. I trust her but she kind of makes it unconvincing. Why do I do this? Why do I make time for a girl that from my point of view looks like she doesn’t make time for me. I ask that question to myself tonight. Thinking and thinking of why I do this. Why do I wait by the phone? Why do I try to be spontaneous? Why do I ignore my texts? Why do I give her my watch? Why do I make time? I think and hope that the answer is because I am falling for her too. Call me too attached but it’s probably cuz I don’t want to lose her or I want to show her how I’m feeling about her. I guess she’ll never know. It’s not that she’s dumb. I don’t know what else to do. I want to kind of make it a puzzle for her to figure out instead of telling her. I have tried telling her though but I guess she doesn’t believe me or she isn’t confident. Well, all I know is that I tried and that everyday and every night, I’ll still wait for her. Some people might say, why are you doing this? Doing so much for a girl that doesn’t seem to appreciate it at all. Well, I know she will one day. And it doesn’t matter how long or how short, ill sit by that phone and hope that one day, she’ll figure it out and find out that I will be that patient guy. The spontaneous guy. The committed guy. The guy who will always be there for her. Thee right guy.

The Kissing Scene....

August 18, 2009 was a memorable day. It was the day of our first kiss together and also her first kiss. I invited her over and she said she would come at 3 or so. So as we were texting, I told her brb, I had to go do some errands. Lol actually I went to go buy some food and drinks so we can have a little picnic at my house. When she came over, she looked amazing. She was wearing yellow. Yummy! She brought over the Notebook and Twilight, both the movie and the book. I haven’t watched the Notebook yet but I heard it was great from her and a few other females. Haha it was okay. She brought the book Twilight because i have to read it and finished it so i can tell the difference between the movie and the book. As we were watching it in my room, I told her to lay down on the bed with me. I slowly moved over from time to time to get closer. I held her hand. We were cuddling a little. I made a feel lousy comments on the movie. I couldn’t give my full attention to the movie though. It was quite hard to ignore her and pay attention to the movie. So I held her closer and looked at her from time to time. The Notebook ended and I said blah…..it’s okay but I think it was probably because I didn’t watch it fully. Next we put on Twilight. I had already watched this movie so I didn’t really need to pay attention to it. So we got even closer and we held each others hand and kind of fiddle. Haha its actually more fun than how I describe it. Well towards the middle of the movie I was staring at her lips. They were a peachy pink color. I was thinking to myself, should I go in for a kiss? Hmmm. Iono. During Twilight? Lol What if in the future, her kids ask her, mom, how was your first kiss? And she’d have to answer. Well it was during Twilight in his bed. Lol not very romantic at all. I got closer to her face. Snuggling with my nose a little. I looked if she wanted me to kiss her. I looked for a signal. She just looked at me and looked away. Okay wtfreak does that mean? Sigh* no help. Guess back to the try thing huh? I was thinking but this doesn’t look as romantic as I would want it to be for her. Should’ve done it during the Notebook’s kissing scene, since it was her favorite movie. Oh well, I already kind of given myself into it. I pulled her face towards me and lean forward. We kissed. I tried to make it like Edward and Bella’s kiss but I don’t think I accomplished that. We kissed like 3 times during the movie. Her lips were soft against mine. She was a pretty good kisser but maybe it was because I was better. I was probably so good that it made her awesome as well. Lol jk. Well when the movie ended, I asked her if she wanted to eat. She said she’s not hungry. So I bought food for nothing. Well I still got it out. I got sushi and two drinks. She only took like a bite and stopped. Well I guess I should’ve at least get props for effort. It’s the thought that counts. When I took her home. I texted her that night and asked her how was her first kiss. All she said was that it was unexpected. Not something a guy would like to hear but I guess I failed to reach the amazing comment. What a jerk. Haha. Sometimes I wish the girl can be in the guy’s shoes. They don’t really understand what we were thinking. Sigh. It kind of suck for all the effort that day and all you get is a oh it was unexpected? Well surprise? Jeez. I just hope that there was some way i could tell her how i felt and that i really thought it was special instead of 'unexpected'. I really like her. It's getting more and more closer to love. She might even be the one. Sigh* Also, now that I think about it, the kids wouldn’t ask how was your first kiss Mom? The more suitable and I guess more romantic question would be ‘Who was your first kiss Mom?” And her answer would be my name and it wouldn’t matter if it was a romantic scene or not because it depends who the two are in the kissing scene. They are the ones that make the scene romantic. Either you are Noah and Allie or Edward and Bella, you and someone special will make it romantic even if the scene isn’t right.

Time to try....

Her heart raced with a stomach filled with butterflies, it was like she was either flying or was on a fast rollercoaster with twists and turns. Now she’s not very fond of roller coasters, but this was a ride she enjoyed. This so-called sensation was felt when she held my hand. How do I know her emotions? Well I don’t but all I know is that I felt the same way. It was very touching. We were watching 500 Days of Summer, it’s pretty good, not too shabby. I was not very fond of chick flicks but I went to go watch it because she was into chick flicks. You might think I am a loser for watching a chick flick but fellas, they’re pretty good. And besides, the real reason I watched it was to see her smile as she enjoyed the movie. I love seeing her smile. It made me happy. It was weird. I have never felt this way before. Well back on topic. A few nights ago, she told me that her friends from orientation were talking about how guys don’t try anymore. WTF. Lol way to bring that up with me. She told me she said something and it sparked the conversation. So I thought to myself, she’s talking about me huh? Am I a chicken? I don’t try? Well the hell with that, why is it that the guy has to always do everything. Girls don’t do much either so you expect us to do everything? I guess that is how society is made, us “men” are suppose to start everything and have so-called BALLS. Anyways as we entered the theater, we sat next to each other. We were a little late so we missed the beginning. It was actually my fault but I blamed it on a friend of mine. HEHE. So as I watched the movie, my mind was filled with a million questions. Should I hold her hand tonight? Is the temperature in here cool enough to hold hands? Or should it be warm enough? What if she doesn’t like my hands? What if my hands are too big? Too small? Too fat? Oh no. What do I do? Should my thumb go over her thumb when I do it? Or under? Or should it be the Criss-Cross hand holding technique? When do I do it? Now? No, its not a good part in the movie. Damn, why am I making it so complicated? What if she has a hand disease that is transferable like hand aids or something. OMG Why is this so hard? As I thought to myself, the memory of her telling me that guys don’t try anymore popped up in my head. All the questions were answered, sort of. The answer was quit your bitching and GO. Who cares, the worst she can do is push your hand away, or bite it, or even pepper spray you. Does it matter? The best result is that she would hold your hand back. And as I looked at her hands trying to see if there’s a signal, which I thought would be fidgeting or something, but the lights were too dim so it was too dark to see. So I made up my mind and just went for it. Here goes nothing. BAM! BOOM! DING! I did it. I opened my eyes and she looked at me, smiled, and held my hand. It was like she was waiting for me to do it. It would've been easier to tell me that she wanted to hold my hand but i guess it has sort of a more romantic feeling that adds to this. This was indeed the best feeling a guy can have, well for me. It was the feeling of ACCOMPLISHMENT. You put your mind to it and it finally all comes out the way you want it, sort of. It took my breath away but I was still manage to pay attention to the movie. It was good, but the best part was when all this happened. This was the highlight of my night. It helped me realize that i should start trying more. Be spontaneous and it will give you good results. Its either now or never, so make sure you choose now because trust me, they‘re waiting for you to make the move. Haha. And if you don’t succeed, try, try, and try again.